The decision to have sex with your fiancé whether it’s before or after the wedding is both a personal and important one. Before being intimate with your partner it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation with them in which you can ask them tough but crucial sexual health questions. It’s key for couples to ask sexual health questions before having intercourse so you can discuss your sexual history, health, and history of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This way, you can both feel safe and put your mind at ease before having sex.

If you’re nervous to bring these questions up with your fiancé, it’s a good idea to start by sharing your own history, and see how that steers the conversation. If you’re going to spend the rest of your lives together, you need to be able to have the tough talks, especially when it comes to health and intimacy. To get you started, here are four sexual questions to ask your fiancé.

1. Have you always practiced safe sex?

This is a good question to open the dialogue when it comes to using condoms and other forms of protection and birth control to find out their level of comfort and consistency with practicing safe sex. It might also lead to finding out exactly how many sexual partners you’ve each had, which might be something you want to know as well. If your partner is evasive, ensure them that you don’t have judgement—you want to know so you can take care of yourself and know that they are STD-free.

If they are STD-free but haven’t always practiced safe sex, then you might need to navigate how you both can feel safe and comfortable when having intercourse and what you both expect. The same goes for if they have ever tested positive for a STD or sexually transmitted infection (STI). You will want to know when and what they had and how you both will navigate the trust in your sex life with that knowledge.

2. When was the last time you were tested for STDs?

If you’ve been sexually active, being tested is the only way to determine whether or not you have a STD. Condoms aren’t always fool-proof and some STIs can go undetected. You should feel free to ask not only the last time they were tested, but what the results were. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but this question is crucial for both your safety and peace of mind. Ideally, you will want to have been tested recently. If your fiancé hasn’t been tested for STDs and you would like them to, then you can volunteer to get tested together.

3. What types of sexual activities do you want to engage in?

Sexual health means safety on all levels including what types of sexual activities you both feel comfortable with engaging in together. Get curious about what types of sexual activities your partner is interested in (and vice versa), and then talk about whether or not they feel safe to one another. It might not feel sexy, but knowing what you each expect will help your sexual relations in the future.

4. What types of birth control are you comfortable with?

You’re getting married—but that doesn’t mean birth control is off the table depending on your future plans. Share what you’re comfortable with using and see if there is an option that will work for both of you. If you haven’t discussed family planning, now is the time to talk about when you both expect to try for children (if you do want to have kids!).

Trust is a huge factor when it comes to having sex with any partner, especially the one you’re marrying! Make sure you go into the situation informed, communicative, and with all the answers you need.

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